Disney Princess Half Marathon.

You totally need to read the title of this post in Honey Boo Boo Child's "I want some money" voice. It's the only way it works.

Figment obviously needed purple nails.

Last Friday I flew down to Florida in an exceptionally cranky mood. Friday was the 4th anniversary of my ex's accident, plus Saturday would have been 11 years together, had we actually formally stayed together and didn't play the silly games we still engage in. Anyway, 11 years is a long time for someone to have your heart and be involved in your life.

So I was a miserable wench.

And then my first flight got delayed. And then I almost puked the turbulence was so bad. And I never get motion sickness and don't mind flying at all. But this was horrendous. It never stopped the entire hour we were in the air. So then I get to BWI (holler my old jumpoff...I used to fly home from school and had to fly down to BWI and then back up to NY so I am well versed in the art of this particular aeropuerto).

Oh sweet my next flight is delayed. I finally get to the house of mouse and am waiting for my magical express to bring me to the resort...and I get some ghetro non-Disney bus. RUDE.

I'm furiously texting my mother (who had gone to Ft. Myers earlier in the week and arrived in Orlando that morning) to see if she will run over to Downtown Disney and get my Earl of Sangwich veggie sangie for me because I won't have enough time...this was a devastating fat girl problem that I needed to resolve.

I finally get to my resort, check in, get to the room, oh yeah my phone died so I don't even know if my mother got my message regarding the urgent need for a sangie and SOFT chocolate chip cookie, and luckily she shows up shortly after.

I shove the sang-wich into my mouth and intermittently complain about the flight.

It does wonders for your digestive system when you eat at midnight and then proceed immediately to bed.

Saturday I woke up nice and early, thanks internal clock, and got ready to head over to the expo to pick up my packet and check out the vendors.

WOOF CITY.

 Every single adult without body awareness happened to be at that expo.

First of all, the packet pick up should have been a breeze. Have your signed waiver and ID out, just as the sign said. Oh wait, you mean I need to have my waiver SIGNED and my ID OUT? That is so strange so I will just wait until I get up to the volunteers and dick around in my wallet for 25 minutes. Pay no mind to the 80+ people behind me in line. My blood sugar was getting low and I was getting exceptionally snippy. I informed my mother I needed to eat asap and she replied "yes, I know."

Move onto the actual expo/vendor section...good in theory, poor in design.

 I'm sorry, this crowded space is probably not the best place for your child to log roll around. Also not a good spot for them to play tag, scream, cry, or generally be in the vicinity of.

Most of the adults also fit into that category. It really is not that difficult to understand where your body is in space. Also not difficult to not stop in the middle of a walkway, wander aimlessly in a haphazard pattern, or forget that you are in fact an adult, and in public.

I did a quick lap of the expo and peaced. I was not in the mood.

We took the transportation back to the resort, I ran to get food, and then got on a bus to EPCOT for lunch. Upon entering the park I couldn't help but calm down and be happy...I don't care how old you are, being in Disney World is an instant mood-elevator.

We headed to Test Track and walked right on by doing single rider...and then it was time for me to eat again.

I picked China for lunch because I've had their quick service veggies and rice and knew it was something I could eat without feeling sick. The sun came out and it was blazing hot but I still made my mother sit in the sun and eat.

Post delicious lunch we headed to MGM (sorry it will always be MGM to me), where we had a few hours to kill before our early dinner reservation at Mama Melrose's.

Obviously the Great Movie Ride was our first stop...the best part might have been the man in our row who ANSWERED his phone on the ride and then proceeded to carry on a CONVERSATION while the ride was continuing.

We did the Muppet's, I ate a frozen banana, and then we discovered a new Toy Story interactive ride. You are in a moving ride with a laser-ish device for each rider, and the ride brings you to digital fair games (kind of similar to the Buzz Lightyear ride in MK, but you are not in outer space).



As we were waiting for the ride I spotted this on the ceiling...



 The ride was a blast and if the wait time was shorter, we would have kept going on.



Dominated my mother, however my accuracy leaves something to be desired.

After some salad and gnocchi I said goodnight to my mother and went back to the resort to prep and hopefully sleep before the race.

I obviously had to lay everything out before I could even think about getting into bed.

So many ting tings.

At last I climbed into bed at 8:00 pm with my alarm set for 2:45 a.m.

WOOF.