Frandoms

-I am far too generous with my snack allowance and therefore Operation: High School Skinny will commence when I return home. Or Operation: prevent your thighs from touching when it gets hot out.

 

-I have the most bizarre tan lines on my back. The cross is to be expected as my bathing suit top crosses in the back, but my lower back is not tan? Perhaps my generous asset was blocking the sun when I was unsuccessfully trying to lay on my stomach. BORING. I need things to look at.

- I am going to have to unfollow you on twitter and the whole blog o world thing if all you do is try to sell me something. Get a freaking business account. I will probably follow that, but guess what, I will be expecting a link and purchase me purchase me every 20 minutes.

- There but for the grace of God go I....I get it. BUT COME ON PEOPLE WITH THE OUTFIT CHOICES AT DISNEY WORLD. Disney is not cheap. By any means. You can do it on a budget, but you still need some expendable income. So how come you can afford to go to Magic Kingdom and eat a giant nine dollar turkey leg, but you are wearing a stained, cut off t-shirt and ripped jorts? Go to Wal Mart, KMart, Target, the freaking Salvo and you will find clothes that are neither ripped, stained, nor cut off. One of those things that I just don't understand. I love me a good/obscene/hilarious outfit. You rock that girl and I will look, internally comment/tweet, and go on with my day. What throws me off is, not everyone is from Florida. So for most of the people at Disney World on a given day, you traveled some distance to be there. Which means you had to pack clothes to bring. So that means, at some point in this whole process you thought the cut off t shirt that said git r done with paint stains on it would be perfect for that Tuesday afternoon at EPCOT. END RANT.

-Why are men so creepy? I have a large bust, and I have lived with this problem since the sixth grade. When you are young (and slooty), male attention is exciting/weird/cool/what you think you want. As you get older, and become a spinster who has already named her fifteen dogs, you basically want to cry/hide in a closet/wear a moo moo when you go out in public. I very rarely wear anything that is form fitting (except for jeans- I got a fat ass and a small(er) waist so jeans have to fit my birthing hips) but when I'm by the pool and it is 87 degrees out, I'm going to wear a bathing suit. Due to the fact I have the most awkward shaped body in the universe, I have to wear two piece bathing suits. And due to the fact that my torso is approximately 4 inches long, my bust doesn't even come in U.S. sizes, and my bottom half does not match up with the top...I wear random pieces that I manage to find in all my various sizes. So I'm sitting by the pool, with my sunglasses on, enjoying the sun in my mismatched bikini. I am by no means Adriana Lima but the only muffin tops near me are the ones I shove in my mouth. AND I GET STARED AT. I get it, you are a dad, your wife looks gross, she popped out a few little brats and now you two aren't even remotely attracted to one another. BUT COME ON. It really bothered me when I was 14 (and looked like Pamela Anderson) because of the whole hiiii I'm 14 thing, and now I am just so beyond skeeved out I will throw a towel over my top half just to tan my face. Especially when there are kids around and you walk by and STARE. Newsflash: my sunglasses are not magical oh you must be blind glasses. 80% of all pool goers also have sunglasses on which means I CAN SEE YOU STARING.

 

- I've never been homesick in my entire life (but I have been foodsick...where you dream about amazing food from your hometown...do we sense a theme here?) but I always miss my dog when I'm on vacation. Not that he could go on space mountain or even be near people since he is a miserable wench, but I miss him ignoring me when I try and snuggle. Also, my sister dyed his beard and ears green and I missed it (with food coloring ASPCA don't worry).

 

My flight is at 7:05 pm which means I have a whole day to eat my way through Disney.

 

My layover is in Charlotte...last time I had a layover there they were giving out flu shots in the food court...pukeinmymouth (set to the tone of j*zz in my pants) (yea, jazz in my pants, you got it...).